omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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