first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize