Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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