Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
