I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
