Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
