You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
