are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
