she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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