Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
