I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
