Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
