Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
