The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
