I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
