I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
