we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
