you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
