maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
