Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize