Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize