She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
