I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
