i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize