He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
