I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize