I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
