don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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