Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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