It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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