Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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