i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
