I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
