Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
