I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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