I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
