Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
