hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
