you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
