I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
