hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
