Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
