he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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