dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
