it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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