I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
