If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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