she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
