While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
