He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
