Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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