You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
