Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
