i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize