I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
