My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she told me i tasted like america
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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