If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
