I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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