I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize