every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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