I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
