the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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