Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
